March 2019
Dear friends and family, I missed to wish you on b’days, anniversaries, vacation or other happier moments on facebook. I missed responding to your whatsapp messages individually and in groups. Now on, I will attempt my best to be present for friends’ happier and needy moments and be a social animal 😊
For those who know me little more closely, know that I got into habit of closing the taps in school times. Don’t recall the exact event or juncture it started, the affection with nature and environment kept on growing. And over the years, my purpose getting clearer to close and becoming an enabler for closing the overflowing taps, may that tap be for out-flowing water, waste generation, or chemical going into soil or pollutants entering into the air.
When I looked for more fellows to join me in environment quest and harvest more time for my purpose, got pulled into a network marketing. Few trainings and sessions, few big names of UN environmentalists and thought it was aligned to me. It seemed, I found a Paras (fictional magical device that converts iron to gold) boat that will tread me along with others onto the path of discovery and purposeful life. I got busy calling each and everybuddy for meetings in cafés . Explaining about a new way, a vehicle to travel towards the joyful and meaningful life. However, somewhere there was co-ordinate issue. I operated on x axis and it demanded y axis operations. Or there might be some ideological difference , as the core of any business is driven by money. And as I was digressed from primary purpose and missing the time for taps and my family. Also being in the extreme mode, putting in a lot of time, eventually burnt myself out. With due respect and gratitude to the n/w marketing industry and my friends in it, the period really enriched me with many additional life skills, deep conversations, new friends, experiences, spices. It was because of some chemical locha between me and the nature of business that it turned out to be a setback for me. I am extremely sorry if any of my action, talk or words brought about frowns or anxiety on any face. Or if I un-intently hurt anyone in anyways in that period.
Took some good 6 months to recover, a visit to Auroville really helped to restart the volunteering work. the new beginning was very refreshing.
Meeting so many new compassionate people. Struck the chords with a few at a very deeper level. Illusioned again for being on the Paras boat, and yet again surrendered myself to a personified ideology. Here core was not driven by money either, however some difference. It takes years to realize again the complete surrender must not be towards the other mortals. Somewhere I started becoming in-tolerant to other’s environmental mistakes and using violence if not physically but with criticism or shaming. This was going against my inherent self. Limited choice of food and thus less nutrition so as to being least burden on the ground where I stand, lost many Kgs and got back to my thinner structure. Coupled with some un-appreciated financial gave away, out of already skewed finances, to keep the harmony among kindreds, further moved towards a different state. At the same time seamlessly got engaged in many env programs as if all the man made environment troubles are to be and can be resolved by me only on an urgent basis. The urge and devotion was mistook and met with antonyms of acknowledgement. Result most of the env programs got hung in uncompleted stage and so is my social plausibility… Another alternate life, all these years my juniors in office had become seniors and bank account credits on the first of month had not moved while the kid’s school fee had uped multiple times. This office story was becoming an underemployed question on my capacities and thus a question on family’s financial sustenance 😊. Result was my consciousness of surroundings practically suspended with open eyes. lost complete discretion of dream and reality.
With these back to back experiences in 6+ years, I had lost the connect with my loved ones so much so that could visit merely three times, my kido sis, for me who just has some age difference with my daughter. :) With due Gratitude and respect to all friends and my family with whom I shared deep conversations, smiles, laughter at happier moments and took their help at different times. I am blessed to have few special Gems in my life Preet Mohinder Singh, Amanjot Kaur, Mandeep Kaur Daman Deep Anu Sj Kaur Mandeep Sehgal these are hardwired to me as life support system and incidentally blood related. Each worked on me at different levels on calls, messages or just being there verbally and or non-verbally anytime and anywhere. And rightly voiced to me in different words and expressions “many people have lot more troubles” “be thankful to Almighty for good family, health and the food on plate ”,“keep finding humor out of life”, “why wasting time and not playing with your growing kid and wonderful family.” “put some time in aligning your career buddy and do some financial planning” “Do as much u can”, “Time is not running out”. “Stop doing the things which are not bringing happiness to you even if morally good to do”. “Uparwale ki raja mein reh” ,”be yourself”, “Chill maar na Yaar” Reaching out absolutely helps and automatically presses the restart button, removing the worse options from the list. I have not ever reciprocated to my gems with same amount of time and infact I wish, I will never get a chance but to be always with them in their happier moments. Thanks to my gems, I am back to my tap closing hobby horse for few months now, with a different high, traveling, office is better , in the middle path, not exerting and happily doing, and progressing on a plan to pay my tribute to Guru Nanak Dev ji on His 550 birth anniversary. Found this another support system in writing. it may be academically very poor, however for me its been really meditative and a tool to deeply converse with lot more friends. Couple of months down the line my birthday is coming, do wish me even if I haven’t wished you for yrs 😊.. or else I will trouble you with a rather bigger post on your wall/timeline 😊😊 Thanks for bearing with a long note, pardon me for lot of I and Me 😊 luv kp, kanwal, banga, kps
